If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
