Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
