I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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