Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
