life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize