thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
