this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
