after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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