He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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