so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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