he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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