Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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