How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
