I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i dont even know how to be here
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
