Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
