how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
