i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
