And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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