Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
