you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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