Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
