giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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