HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
