My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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