Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
