I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
