I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
