I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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