the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
