Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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