I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
