i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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