Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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