my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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