I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
