i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
