At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
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