i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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