so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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