well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
