One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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