I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
