its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
