As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
