You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
