Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
