At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
