LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
