what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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