My Higher Power is John Stamos
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
