U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
