I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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