If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We need to get me chipped asap
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
