Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
