You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
