went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
