i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
