Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
