You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
