This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
