i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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