I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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