We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
