ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
