Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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