I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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