How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
