Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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