i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
