My liver just broke up with me...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
