In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
