a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
