just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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