And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
