just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize