i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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