this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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