We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
