ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
