i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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