When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
