I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
