How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
