Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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