I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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