Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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