My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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