Dual....:-)
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
