I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
