How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
