Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
