I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
